Reasons Why I Am Single....

So its becoming more and more evident that there is a good possibility I am going to die alone. This scares the shit out of me. The past two weeks I have been searching myself wondering why the f I am single still at 27. What is even more scarier my friend was doing my hair and found 2 grey hairs. I am not talkin' little baby hairs, I am talking full blown curly ass grey hairs. FML....for realz. Here is a list of reasons why I am probably single....

• I would rather talk to my besticle for 3 hours at night than have to talk to a new boyfriend getting to know one another over late night conversations.
  
• I am usually sleeping by 9pm because I took some form of sleep meds.
• I am still holding onto the fact that sometime down the line maybe my ex boyfriend (we broke up 5 years ago) from college will get back together with me, in all his 30 seconds of glory.
• I would rather sit in my basement bar doing shots with friends and then sliding down my basement stairs on our asses.
• I have more fun on a friday night getting wasted with my guy cousins while playing rock-band then having to get dressed up and go out on a date.
• I have been known to make a complete ass out of myself at karaoke...sad part is when I am rocking it, I am really sounding like goats doing the dirt nasty.
• I once broke up with a guy because he wore sneakers with khakis.
  
• When I get drunk I still text ex boyfriends that I want to have nothing to do with me to see if they will respond.
• During the summer I would rather go to my family's beach house and go fishing with my cousins and uncle than go to the hip, younger beaches and meet a man.
• Lastly, (I mean there are many many more reasons I just cant think of them right now because I hung out with MJ) I would rather throw an 80's themed birthday party then a civilized sit down dinner with close friends.

So my last bullet I mentioned I had an 80s themed party for my bday. It was out of control. All we were missing was beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show. I found the most hideous 80s prom dress I could find. I spend $65.00 on it from EBAY, and it was worth every penny. I cant really remember the night, however here are some pictures I thought you would all enjoy...

I do not even know what to say to this, other than Mr. Gold Lamay pants...that was his 3rd costume change....


This is the ex from college...I took this handsome thing to bed...where is my life going?


My cousin and I....FML




Sweet dirt stache....do you sit at the park and watch young children play?


Roommates doing the...running man?


How did the foundation to the house not fall down?



Anyone notice my lee-press on nail in mid air as it flied off my finger?



Conga line...for realz?



Nice shorts



Dirty Sanchez himself...




So by the end of the night everyone was ripping their clothes or cutting them with scissors. The next morning there were just shards of clothing in every inch of my house. So these little gems are just a taste of what went down. Are these pictures a glimpse into why the fuck I am still single and living with my two male cousins? Thoughts/Feelings?

I ain't tryin' to hear that noise...

So this weather blows. It has been raining for 7 days straight and it be bringin' me down. Not to mention its going to be a a full moon. Not only have both of these factors been messin' with my positive energy, its making my students and their parents full blown assholes. Now correct me if I am wrong, but if a student is prescribed medication why wouldn't you give it to them as DIRECTED? I have a parent that gives her child medication when ever she feels like it. I am not a doctor here but cant the intake of medication erratically lead to nowhere good. I mean I know from experience that when a medication is prescribed you bet your ass you are suppose to follow those guidelines. I have to feel bad for my student because the medication he is taking is an anti-psychotic medication. I am going to go out on a limb here and go with the notion that if you are on any form of anti-psychotic medication you should really be taking it as the bottled explains. This child is a walking time bomb. I sat next to this little asshole, didnt even look at me and he lunged at me head-butting, pinching and trying to bite me. We are not talking a little 12 year old either. I am talking about 180 12yr old. WAY BIGGER than me. It really puts a damper in your day when your classroom is like a battle zone. So listen mama, I aint tryin' to here your kids noise so give him his meds as directed....

I have not been in the mood for anything lately. Going to work seems like a short term prison sentence I have to repeat everyday. Spring has sprung but dang mother nature is actin' like a jew with her sunshine. Im over it. It really better start getting nicer or else I am going to end up in jail a number of anger-related crimes. Has anyone else been feeling this way? It also could be the fact I am turning 27 in exactly one week. What do I have to show for it? I am still single, live with my two male cousins, all my friends are getting engaged or in serious relationships and I am still trying to re-live my college days by getting stoned and throwing an 80s themed birthday party. If anyone out there feels the same way, let me ask you another question. When you read peoples facebook status that refer to every fucking minuted of their childs life or how much they love their husband....does it make you wan to punch a disabled person? There is this one girl who I went to high school with. Every 5 minutes she is updating her facebook status with tidbits about what her 2month old is going. Here are some actual examples:

"I am sooo in love with my son's cuteness today!!!!! Tearing myself away fro the little man to get my nails done--- leave me love or cell it :)"

"Brady's first night in his crib in his nursery.... my little man is 2 months and the time is flying by! :("

"watching the hubby and brady snuggled in bed sleeping while watching Cocktail :)"
"
"another night........... i'm over it..... hoping the little man lets his mommy sleep in for a bit!"

Doesnt this shit make you want to hurt small animals? I mean I probably check facebook status on my blackberry more than I should but for realz, every fucking 5 mintues with this shit! Are me and my friend the only ones that are angered by this?! First of all I would never, EVER do this shit when/if I have children. This saturday night, while "Brady" was keeping mommy up all night, I was piss drunk doing shots at the bar in my basement sliding down the stairs on my ass for fun. I dont know but my night seems like a lot more fun than hers.

Once again; I aint' tryin' to hear that NOISE!


Thoughts/Feelings?