April 1st...

Well folks, its set in stone. I officially have signed a lease and move in day is set for April 1st. Im going to go ahead and do something nice for my loyal followers; I am going paint a picture of what my next year is going to look like.

Ok everyone close your eyes and picture it:

Cousin #1:
Cousin #1 is a chubby (im being polite because I know he is going to read this) bald Italian who owns a waste management company (no we are not in the mob, or at least I dont think we are). He enjoys french dips at 8am, drinks coors light by the gallons, like to dabble in the reefer, red wine makes him red and sweaty and has been known to be coaxed into a dress from time to time. Oh did I mention he tends to pass out drunk and we write on him? Besides his best qualities, I love him like a brother. He is one of the most loyal people I know and he would scissor kick any boy that has wronged me. My custicle, as I call him, is also very neat and clean. I cannot wait for him to go away for the weekend and rearrange his bedroom and all his mack truck figurines. He has also tried to mouth kiss one of my best friends numerous times, and every time he attempts, she replies "That is not acceptable". Needless to say, custicle #1 is a bad mamajama.

Cousin #2:
Ahh where do I begin. He has been mistaken for an Arab on an airplane because he was so tan and had a full beard with aviators. I have to admit this was post-911 so it is what it is. He has fucked 90% of my friends and has saved my life when I was 4 years old. He is a stoned 99% of the day and has done more drugs then I can even begin to think of. For example; on lease-signing-day, he was so stoned, even his mother (our realtor) called him, and I quote, "A stupid-fucking-stoned-asshole". He is the messiest kid I know and smokes 3 packs of camel lights a day. He has been known to throw on my 7 sizes to small high heels and step-bump his way down the dance floor. Oh did I mention he saw central booking? When ever he is chatting it up with a girl he has his eye on at the bar, I walk over...he introduces me and I immediately tell this little side dish he is gay...he then proceeds to go along with it. Now that is family.

Me: Well, I drink way to much. I do the worm, sing karaoke and curse at inappropriate times. My anxiety level is always at a 10. I live on xananx and Tylenol pm. I am very neurotic about cleanliness and Im pretty sure I will get burned on by our fireplace at some point. I have already been in charge of sending the checks out for our bills. We have decided to have a joint checking account as to which to send our bills out. I am pretty sure everyone at the bank thinks my two cousins are lovers and I am pregnant with their love child. I'm cool with that, I mean how funny is that. I wonder who the guy thinks is the bottom and who is the top?!?!

So as I was saying April 1st is move in day. We are taking all donations of kitchen supplies, painters, carpet cleaners, house cleaners, and landscapers. My cousins will get you high or I am willing to give hand jobs for free kitchen utensils. You decide. So please, wish us luck. Our parents are all against us doing this, apparently they think we have down syndrome and cannot survive without them telling us to clean our rooms or put our laundry away. Oh and our parties are going to be off the hoooook. Already have an 80s party planned for my bday in may. YEAHHHH


Our place what what!